Prologue: How it all started

Don was 36 when he landed with the scholarship from MDA (Media Development Authority). This in itself was quite a miracle as Don had simply applied for the scholarship without too much thought. In fact, he never even told his wife, Poh, about it. Which was nothing surprising. Don, like the average man on the road, would not think about telling his wife (or anyone else for that matter) anything in general, unless he had it all under control, especially if there was a problem. If Don was facing any circumstances, talking about them was the last thing he would do. By the time anyone were to hear of the difficulties being faced, it would be when the problem had been dealt with and the man had come out tops. The hero of the day as usual. All problems were to be presented complete with solutions and success stories to be shared in the next book of church testimonies.

So when he first received an email from MDA confirming his award of the Media Education Scheme, he felt that the time was right to tell Poh. It would actually have been a proud moment for both, had Poh been told beforehand. But it became more like a moment of truth for Poh.

He chose to tell her when they were going home from work together one day. They were in the lift going back to their home on the twenty-forth floor at Telok Blangah Heights when he broke the news.

"You got a scholarship. From MDA." Poh reiterated in a patient and calm voice. She had learned over the last 7 years of marriage that men cannot be pushed to answer questions when they are not ready. So despite her hair rising on its end and a small little knot tying itself up in her stomach, she made sure to regulate her breathing and maintain composure.

"Where are you going to pursue your masters then?" Poh asked in a non-chalant tone.

"I'm thinking of SCAD. You know, the Savannah College of Art and Design I mentioned to you sometime back?" Don replied cautiously. Poh's approval meant a lot to him.

Poh took out her keys from her bag to open the flat gates. She had a brief flash of memory of seeing some correspondence from SCAD about a year ago, and Don did tell her then that he was looking at their curriculum when he saw her quizzical look. Poh shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts. She had thought that it was only a moment in passing that he had asked SCAD for more information on their curriculum. She hadn't thought it was a serious pursue on his part.

"MDA's scholarship will cover only tuition fees but the application to SCAD would automatically refer me for a scholarship too. Am waiting for their results to see whether they would give me one and whether we can make ends meet." Don added, hoping he sounded positive.

"And if you don't get the scholarship from SCAD?"

"I don't know." There was a mix of desperation and want in his eyes. Somehow, it had meant a great deal to get the MDA scholarship, but at this moment of "triumph", there seemed to be an irony of not having enough money for living expenses. He wished he could tell Poh he had everything sorted. That the money was there, the scholarship was there. Everything was fine. But he couldn't. He didn't know. There was no money to spare. Sure they had bought insurance savings plans, but these money could not be touched. They were not liquidable cash.

He waited for Poh to announce her verdict. He needed her to understand what he was planning to do. He needed her to be happy about it. Even more, he wanted her to come with him to SCAD. To put a halt to her civil service career and come away with him for at least 9 months.

"Well, since you've got the scholarship from MDA, we must go. We cannot be facing such a blessing of money, then turn away from it all because we don't have the money for living expenses. At worst, we could borrow money from the bank. Take out a personal loan or educational loan. We can check out the loan promotions from the bank."

Don heaved a sigh of relief. "So you will come with me then?"

"Of course! We made a decision years ago that neither of us would ever be apart no matter whether for studies or work. I mean our marriage vow says, "'Till death do us part, right?", not "'Till studies do us part, or 'Till work do us part?" Poh smiled warmly at Don. She knew him long enough to know that he needed reassurance from her.

Don smiled warmly back. He knew he could trust Poh to stand by him. He really appreciated that. Now, they only had to wait for news from SCAD.

**************************************************************

Three months later in Nov 05, Don received news from SCAD via email. He saw the email subject line in his g-mailbox and froze. All his senses went numb for a while and he fought to gain composure of himself, preparing himself for the worst in case his application to SCAD was not successful. He wasn't putting his faith in getting a scholarship, but what were he to do if he wasn't even accepted into the school?

He took a deep breath and clicked on the email. The email read:
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into SCAD and we would also be granting you an Artistic Honours Fellowship worth $10,000 per annum. Your acceptance into the college and the grant would valid for 2 years from now.

He let out a loud cry of joy and called out to Poh to join him in the living room and read the email.

Poh came out of the bedroom groggily, half asleep. It was already past midnight, but it wasn't unusual for Don to call Poh to view his latest works or finished art pieces in the night, especially if he was really pleased with them. So Poh wondered what it would be this time. In all honesty, she never quite understood art, nor appreciate it. Over the years, she had also quite run out of encouraging words to say.

"Good!" was the usual comment, or, "Nice!", or maybe,"That's interesting!" Thankfully, Don usually did not pursue her asking,"So what's nice about it?". He might have done once or twice before, and Poh had cracked her brains trying to compliment the art, but he was usually satisfied with the mono-syllables.

Secretly, Poh believed one thing. Don knew she didn't know next to nothing about art and whatever he was doing most nights. But he knew her compliments were the best she could manage to express her approval of him. It didn't matter whether what she said was truly what she felt or thought, but what mattered was that she would always stand by him in her expression towards him in whatever he does. Whether he does it really well or not is not the point. The world can think nought of his works, but she will never put him down. How their relationship ever got to this point of faith and trust in each other amazes them sometimes. And it is what keeps them alive and filled with life.

Poh read the email with her meticulous eyes, trained from being in the administrative civil service for years. There was something slightly amiss, but hey, let's celebrate first! She grabbed Don by the hands and both started to prance around the room with cries of "yippee!". They swung each other as if they were doing barn dancing and laughed for a full minute.

"This is it! We're going to America!" Laughing, Poh sat down to read the email again and find the niggling line that had caught her eye. The SCAD scholarship was for $10,000 per year. Administratively, it would not read per year, unless the course was for more than a year. But Don had told her it was only for 9 months.

"Dear, why does it say $10,000 per year? Is your course not for 9 months only?"

Don sobered up and looked at the email. He pursed his lips and entered the course schedule online. It did appear like as though it was only for 3 terms, or 9 months only.

"You better write to SCAD and ask them properly. " Poh's voice turned sharp. It was an occupational hazard to talk curtly when serious. She never meant it to sound caustic, but Don never liked that kind of tone from her.

"I know what I'm doing." Don replied coolly. The joyous atmosphere a minute ago was gone. "I'll write to SCAD tomorrow.". Poh could hardly contain her impatience. She could never understand why he would not just write the email now. Was there a reason to wait for tomorrow? Still, she closed her lips tightly and kept mum. It would not be helpful to talk about it now. She could see he was not ready to talk or do anything else for the night.

Poh got up quietly and went to bed. She lay still for while, and waited to see if Don would follow. He did. They both lay silently facing up, trying to unwind from the tension in the air.

Finally, Poh broke the silence. "If it's 2 years, do we have enough money to go together?" She had said her thoughts aloud. Bad move she knew, but she had to ask.

"Okay, I tell you what. Let's just forget about the MDA scholarship! Forget about SCAD scholarship! Let's just not go. Let's just stay here and continue working as we have been. Then we won't have to worry about not having enough money!" Don rapped cruelly.

Poh could not stop the hot tears that flowed from her eyes. She could never keep up in quarrels. She could only swallow hard and cry silently. Words would only make the situation worse. She knew Don was blaming her for doubting his ability to manage the situation. It was not what she meant, but this was the usual way he would take it. It was a long time since he'd spoken to her harshly. And she was really hurt this time. To think that after so many years, he still did not trust her heart for him. Condemnation kills. And the blaming words stabbed her soul to the core.

Her thoughts turned to God immediately even as she cried. What is this, God? How could something so wonderful become so evil all of a sudden? God, help us.

The Holy Spirit began to show her a verse in Proverbs. "With the Lord's blessings come no sorrow." If this was a blessing from God, you will not have any sorrow with it.

Words began to tumble out of her mouth to Don between sobs. "I didn't mean that we shouldn't go to America. I mean, this is a blessing. When the Lord blesses, He adds no sorrow to it. So we shouldn't worry about it. The money will come if this blessing is from the Lord. If not, then the doors will shut and we won't be able to go."

Don repented almost immediately upon hearing the verse from Proverbs. He turned around to hug Poh in bed.

"You're right. What on earth just happened to us just now?" Don reeled in his thoughts. He could not comprehend what possessed him to become so cruel a minute ago. Here lies his beloved wife! What was he thinking? What happened? It was absurd.

"The devil's playing with us." Don's mind was clearing as the Holy Spirit took over the atmosphere.

Poh could barely nod through her heavy sobbing, smothered in Don's chest.

They held each other for a long while before falling asleep late in the night.